When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize