Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize