That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
My ATM looks so different sober.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
