i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize