I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
