Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
