she is the kim kardashian of front butts
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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