I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
