when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize