jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
