And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
