I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
