Someone shit on the floor
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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