just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize