Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize