i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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