i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
