cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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