this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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