Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
