oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
