Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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