um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I have feelings that need drinking.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
