Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
