Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
