and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
