Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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