She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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