please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You have to summon your inner elephant
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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