When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
