I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
