Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i think i have herpe
just one?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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