I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
