I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
