I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
