My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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