when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
