You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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