i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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