So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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