i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
