I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
