she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
