i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
