wake up i wanna do it froggy style
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
