Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
