I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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