hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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