I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
