so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
