I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
