Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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