It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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