So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
