I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
