Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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