Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize