you would pick up someone in the library
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
