You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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