she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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