i permit you to call me
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
