I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
