I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
