I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
