At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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