I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
