Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
