I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
