atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
