So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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