apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
