so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
