shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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