she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
