My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Randomize
