we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
