i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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