They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
