I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
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