Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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