never play flip cup with pint glasses
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
