We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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