can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize