You can't special order awesome
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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