my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
