i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
my liver is dry heaving
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize