cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
