you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
