just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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