Screwed.edu
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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