we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
