My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
