I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
foreskin is a definite game changer
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
