his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
