the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
