Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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