Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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